


An Aubade To Felix Lee

by staysunandmoon



Series: Minsung And Changlix Shorts [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, angsty changlix just feeds my soul man, barely any plotline, but it's the complete opposite of the poem, felix is wearing a skirt because breaking the gender norms is his cup of tea, i cannot help myself when it comes to angst, kind of angsty drabble, meant to be but also not meant to be, right person wrong place kind of deal yk, this happens over one single night, this is kind of based on the concept of a poem i read last month, this is kinda dystopian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staysunandmoon/pseuds/staysunandmoon
Summary: It's just Felix and Changbin now.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: Minsung And Changlix Shorts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149296
Kudos: 9





	An Aubade To Felix Lee

_"You met me at a very strange time in my life."_

Felix was an odd character, so to speak. There was nothing 'regular' about him - Changbin had noticed that almost immediately. For someone like Felix to exist as 'normal' would be too foreign of a concept for their world. People like Felix weren't the norm. They never should be. Yet, Changbin found himself intrigued by the boy. He was an anomaly in their manmade systematic code, a mutation in the normalcy of the society they had been born into. A child's mind was malleable, able to be bent and shaped into the ideal. But Felix hadn't been so easy to manipulate. Changbin could tell just by looking at him.

"What do you mean?" Changbin replied, his voice hushed in silent paranoia. No one was nearby to hear them - no one dared go up there anymore - but it ate away at his mind nonetheless. He didn't know what would happen to him if anyone found out he was talking to someone like Felix and, quite honestly, he wasn't prepared to find out either. Yet, something about Felix had drawn him it and didn't let go. It wasn't willing to let him go. So he stayed, his words only audible to the boy sitting next to him, yet sounding loud enough for the other side of the world to eavesdrop on their conversation. Somehow, the rush of adrenaline at the chance of getting caught with Felix was thrilling to him, as alien as it felt in his body. It made the dread of the consequences feel worthless for a moment. The city below them was empty, darker than Changbin had ever seen it. He glanced to his right, where Felix's body heat permeated the little space between them, warming his shivering figure just a little. He didn't know other people were so warm. Felix's skin was pale, impeccable, dotted with freckles and blushed a slight shade of pink on his cheeks and the tip of his nose. Every breath from his parted lips was visible in the chill, dispersing into nothing before their very eyes. He'd always noticed the way Felix looked - it was difficult not to stare - but there was something about him at that minute. Maybe it was the reflection of the stars in his eyes or the way his hair framed his face with the help of the breeze. He couldn't pinpoint it. He hadn't been expected to know how to.

"What keeps you up at night, Changbin?" Felix asked softly, no louder than Changbin's own voice had been. For the first time that night, they looked at each other. The faint glint of the pale moonlight drew his attention to the reflection on the golden hair slide clipped into Felix's silvery hair just above his right ear, his name engraved onto the external plate of it. It was simple in design, no fancy decorations framing his name, yet Changbin couldn't help but think about how well it suited him. His own thoughts about Felix weren't something he was well versed with - if anything, he was sheltered from everything that didn't benefit the system he'd grown used to - but spending time up there, just the two of them in the accompaniment of each other and the stars, felt like it was supposed to happen. Changbin never wanted to leave.

"Nothing," he answered, his gaze travelling around Felix's face, stopping at every visible feature under the darkness of the night. The younger of the two hummed, his cherry-red lips stretching into a subtle smile as he broke their eye contact to stare back up into the edgeless sky, littered with its own freckles.

"I don't remember the last night I managed to sleep long enough," he admitted quietly, that smile never leaving his face once. Changbin's own eyes were locked onto his figure, attentive to whatever it was that he may say next. "There's a lot about this world that I wanted to change, you know. I want people to know about how beautiful something can be when it's not robotic and artificial." He spoke, to no-one in particular other than himself, just acutely aware of the fact that Changbin was still sitting by his side, listening to his every word. It was risky enough, meeting with someone who was nothing more than a puppet tied up in threads manipulated by a corrupt higher power. But, then again, Felix was never one to follow a path of safety while forsaking his own freedom. He wasn't happy following the manufactured lifestyle that had been laid out for him since birth. The monochrome black clothes, the strict rules, the constraints on happiness - that was anything but the world he wanted to live in. Everyone was a carbon copy of each other, from the lacking personality down to the colour palettes of their appearance. Where everyone had jet-black hair cut short, Felix's was bleached and dyed until it was grey and left to grow long. Every man wore a black blazer and dress pants - Felix opted to wear a white, knitted sweater and a pleated baby-blue skirt. He even replaced the generic, black-leather shoes with white, platform trainers to differentiate himself from everyone.

_'Boys can't wear hair accessories.'_

_'Boys can't wear makeup.'_

_'Boys can't wear skirts.'_

_'They're for girls.'_

Says no-one other than the toxic society humanity had built up from the ground. They deserved to watch it crumble.

"Have you ever heard of the I.S.P, Changbin?" He asked after a moment of broad, tense silence. The elder was still looking at him, almost entranced by the being to his right, but he shook his head. Felix sighed silently. He'd been the last person to be put into the I.S.P; he hadn't been surprised at all to find out that everything in their power had been used to erase it from people's minds. "The I.S.P was a project from Incheon - The Incheon Soul Project. It was supposed to be beneficial for everyone by helping them find who was perfect for them. But there wasn't enough control for their liking. So they shut it down after I'd come out of it. I'd been so eager to take part in it, you know? I had faith in them. I hadn't wanted anything else in my life until I found someone who I could appreciate it with. I guess I've always been like that, though. What good is there for something if there's no one to share it with, right? I hoped that someday I'd get contacted from someone, telling me the match had been found. Though, I found it before anyone had ever reached out to me."

"You found what?" Changbin broke the silence.

"The person I'd been waiting for. But, I couldn't really do anything by then. The world succumbed to itself. I'd found the guy I knew I was supposed to stick by my whole life at a funeral and he was in the open casket," Felix chuckled bitterly. Changbin nodded, not entirely understanding of the situation. Of course, he didn't know. Changbin was raised here. It was the first place to get hit with endless restrictions, and the place that got it the worst. He'd never been able to express anything to anyone, never had the chance of making his journey in life his own. He'd always been bound to a schedule with no leeway for mistakes - he was the last person who would've understood what Felix meant, and Felix knew that. Yet, he told him anyway. What good would a friend be if you couldn't confide in them? They'd be no more than a deadweight of potential. "We could've been happy, you know?"

"We..? Do you mean you and him?"

"Me and you," Felix answered, slinging his legs over the edge of the building, allowing his back to rest against the concrete tiling of the roof. They were high up - fifty-four storeys to be exact. Though, neither of them cared. Changbin joined him, closing the gap between them just a little more as he settled by his side as comfortably as he could, their knees brushing against each other in the proximity. "I think... Yeah. We could've been happy." He rested his head against the side of Changbin's arm, a disappointed sigh heaving from his chest. Changbin didn't dare move, only lightly shifting his arm to brush his hand against Felix's knuckles until they'd intertwined fingers, the heat of their hands comforting in the cold of midnight.

"Maybe we are happy somewhere," Changbin started, his gaze trailing over the constellations hung above them like artwork. Felix hummed in question. "In another world. Maybe in a lot of different worlds, we are happy. With each other. We could be happy here, too."

"We couldn't, Changbin."

"Why not?"

"There's no chance. We missed our window of opportunity years ago. We were both too young to understand or even make a change. I don't think I even knew your name or your face back then. I've been alienated from where you belong for so many years now. You're a piece of this puzzle, Changbin. I'm not. I'm more like... a shard from a glass bowl that got thrown out of anger. It's not impossible to put it back together again but it won't ever be the same. Jigsaws are meant to be put together like that. It's like we're from two completely different universes that collided and threw me in here by mistake."

"There's a lot I wanted to tell you right now, Felix," Changbin whispered. Felix didn't say anything, nor did he move. They just lied there, legs dangling over the edge, lying in each other's silent company. "But I don't think I'm able to say it. I don't really understand anything that's going through my head. But it's all to do with you... I know you won't be around long enough to hear me say it."

"What makes you think that?"

"What you said. You think you aren't part of this world - what reason do you have to stick around? But... I just wanted to say something. Before you leave me."

"...Okay..." Felix breathed out, his words almost unheard of by Changbin. "Tell me."

"I feel like I've learnt a lot from you today. About me, and about you, too. Even if-... Even if, in this world, I didn't have the chance to fall in love with you, I did in the last. And I will in the next. I don't really know a lot about what love is meant to be because I've never had the chance to learn about it, but you sounded like it was something you wanted. So, even if circumstances failed us this time and kept us together long enough to make sure that when we had to be ripped apart was that searing, dull type of painful for both of us, we'll have it better in the next. It might take us years to find each other again. I think that's worth the wait, though. Right?" For the first time, Felix smiled genuinely. It wasn't wide, nor noticeable in the dark, but it was there. He'd be gone by sunrise, leaving Changbin with a bittersweet aubade to a world where he no longer existed outside of memory, where Changbin would have to live a life on his own, without him there with him, but it was alright. They'd find each other again.

"Right."

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This had no in-depth storyline; it was just something I thought of one night.  
> 2\. This is based on the concept of a poem called The Sun Rising by John Donne. It's a poem about soulmates in their own world that is disrupted by the sun.  
> 3\. An aubade is a piece of poetry or music in relation to the sunrise or early morning, hence Felix's disappearance at sunrise. The Sun Rising is also an aubade.


End file.
